TRI-CITIES, WA - Going through grief, trauma, and loss is never easy and no one needs to experience it alone.
Grief and Trauma Chaplaincy gives support to help those grieving and hurting through the loss of loved ones. They listen and give free educational materials that could help and encourage you.
Grief happens to us all. Time would be a healer, but it can help to acknowledge grief and take steps to heal. The first session "Grief and Trauma" provide is focused on getting people to bond. They want to build trust.
Then they start talking about emotions.
"I really like it when I start off at the co-facilitator, but then they stop talking to me and they talk to one another. And some of these groups have gone on, even for years, they get together monthly or so, for a very long time. So when you can establish those relationships where people feel like they are being heard. That's really rewarding," Cindy Meyers, a senior chaplain with Grief & Trauma, said.
They work on what they call the head and the heart.
"So, every time you are saying, I should have done this differently. What if I had done that differently, would it have helped if I haven't said, what I said, or last words were an argument, what if I just had not had that argument, that's all that you are thinking. And a foot and a half away is your heart. So, what do you feel? How do you feel about that? What choices do you have in this whole situation, where you had no choices," she said.
They encourage you to remember other things about your loved one.
"You can choose to remember a smile, or what their eyes look like or what it was like to go that time to the beach with them, or routinely to the bookstore or the library," she said.
She said you know them best.
"But you have that memory of them and you know so much about them you can feel in a lot of what they would have done or what they would have said today and all of them should and shouldn't, and all of that, you can't undo that," she said.
But you can ask yourself how do I feel? And what would I feel today if they were here? What would they say? And what would they do?
"But we get to see the light bulb go on. And, in their session 5 or 6 or 8 for the traumatic loss, we get to see the transformation, the new identity. And actually bring meaning to the life of their loved ones, and the deaths, also," Merle Meyers, another senior chaplain with Grief and Trauma Chaplaincy, said.
They also use the "Three Ps Method."
The first P is "pacification" which is the ability to calm yourself. The second P is "partition." And that is that ability to separate the emotion from not taking over your life.
"We can go ahead and stand back from that for now. We can take it out of the box now for later and we can work with that because we want to process all of our emotions," he said.
And the third P is "perspective," which is to categorize.
"This might feel really bad now, but it's probably not going be a life changer. But we will process it anyway. So, that is in the category, it could be more minimal. It could be lesser anger or lesser sadness," he said. "With the traumatic loss, it is really hard because they are hit with trauma, from the sudden and violent death loss, and that kicks the back of the brain into survival mood. So, it's fight, flight or freeze that's it," he said.
Then it is grief, he said they get hit with both.
This is a free resource. They don't charge for any of their sessions or educational resources.